Vs. Boy Hospitalized After 4-Day Marathon of Sheer Stupidity

 Tyler Rigsby  ponders, "Day 3 and I still suck ass at this. Speaking of ass, been resisting this nagging feeling of....  of... wait a sec... I just shit myself *relieved* ! Well, couldn't be avoided, game on!

Fifteen year old Tyler Rigsby collapsed after a 4-day Xbox 360 marathon due to dehydration. The teen was playing Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3, a first-person shooter game. There's been a whole lot of cases of video game related accidents in the past where a few individuals have tried to test the limits of what it means to be a hardcore gamer, but instead end up failing horribly in life's most vital requirement, self preservation. These so-called hardcore gamers who have opted to pound away endlessly for days straight at a controller/keyboard instead of actually living is what give other gamers out there a bad rep.


Case in point, first class fool, Tyler Rigsby. See, because of a dumbass shit like you, the general public perceive people that enjoy gaming as idiots who sit on their soiled ass bum neglecting all manner of hygiene so we can score another headshot or two. Most people unaccustomed to FPS games like Call of Duty would think, "He could have simply just hit the pause button, the game will always be there after he grabs some grub or gulps down some water." That is true if the kid was playing campaign mode (which he sure as hell wasn't; four days straight of a FPS campaign mode, especially Call of Duty is would end anyone's existence), but he was probably playing online where pausing is not as simple as it may seem as you'll most likely get disconnected from the game or match. Apparently for this genius here, it was a difficult to choose whether to shit a hole through his pants or take a bathroom break. I'm sure you all have played The Sims at least once in your life, and you know what happens if you completely disregard your Sim. Basically, they end up being one unhappy camper. Maxis was just kind enough not to let your Sim die if the player intentionally overlooked all of the Sims necessity gauges just in case it was possible to see your Sim just completely abandon its will to live.

This dumb fuck here chose to do this. No bastard of a person was controlling him to forcefully hole himself up in his room depriving himself of the nourishment that was required for him to function properly. This was all him, voluntary. Researchers and psychologists will always argue, it's the fault of the game or gaming system. Uhmmm... no. A similar argument can be used to refute that like when we talk about how it's the person that kills and not the gun he equips himself with. A gun can't harm or kill anyone without someone handling it. See, I might take it easy on the kid if he was around the age of 7-12, but the sucker is fucking 15! Use your damn noggin, it's what its there for. Have some sense to take a breather; get some chow, guzzle some water, and get some decent shut eye. Trust me, when you resume your shitty Modern Warfare play, you'll realize that you're actually enjoying it compared to that time your dick was spewing out blood-filled piss uncontrollably all over your bedroom floor due to the lack of sufficient fluids in your system.

Certified Moron

Then there's mother dearest. Her parenting skills.... a real winner we have here. The mother stated to reporters, "He turned very pale and his lips became a disturbing blue color." You think?! Yeah, that's what happens when your retard of an offspring emerges from his room after 96 hours of non-stop gaming. Damn kid, if you were so hooked on a crappy game like Modern Warfare, you could have at least lived up to your aspirations of being a gamer of hardcoredom by downing your own piss. Oh wait, but there's more. Mom also mentioned, "I was very scared, I thought he was going to die, he just fell over three times." Wait, what? He fell over only THREE times?! So, the first time you thought it was just normal. Then the second time, you're like, "Oh my! let's see if it happens a third time, because it can't possibly happen three times!" A word of advice, if your son does a nose dive on your fucking floor just once, you haul your lazyass directly to the ER. His mother then ended by saying, "The Xbox is gone." Good job mom! Yet, all this could have been avoided if you invited your kid to supper or checked up on him. Jesus... pro-activeness at its finest.

That 'Mother of the Year Award' you've been hoping for? Well, don't hold your breath.

The kid is expected to recover. Doc Mike Patrick of Nationwide Children's Hospital advises, "To get plenty of food and fluids, take breaks for physical activity, and put the controller down now and then to get enough sleep." No shit Sherlock, you get paid to come up with that?